When an old friend comes to visit
Grief + how we can befriend it
Hello tender giants.
If we haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet, my name is Briona Jenkins but you can call me Bri. I am an activist, full-time fundraiser and consultant, podcast host, co-host the coaching program here at Waking Giants, and lover of the magnitude of grief. And boy oh boy are grief and I having some big conversations right now.
I like to think of Grief as an old friend. If you read the Harry Potter series (yes I am separating the art from the artist) you might feel some familiarity in this sentiment as it was inspired by the final Perival brother greeting Death like a friend in the Potter books. So moving forward in this reflection with you, I will be refering to Grief by their name as I see them.
Grief and I first got acquainted when I was very young. I was seven or maybe eight when I started to have questions about what happens to us after we die. I grew up very Christian and so my family, namely my mother, spoke of Heaven, how we would see all of our past loved ones (and the folks we never met) there. The expectation that I had to be a good person my whole life to earn my way into Heaven introduced me to Grief. Knowing that I would someday die, that my loved ones would die, and if we weren’t “good” I would not get to spend eternity with them brought me closer to Grief. As I got older, Grief changed and grew as I did. By the time I was 24, I had been to more funerals than I could recollect: of my mother, one of my best friends, numerous family members, three classmates, relatives of friends. I also grieved the life I would live without these people in it.
Over the last few years I have learned about anticipatory Grief; feeling Grief while anticipating impending loss. The first time I experienced this (and was able to name it) was in 2016 after Hilary Clinton lost the Presidential election. It’s the same anticipatory Grief I am feeling now that 45/47 is President again. In the last two weeks, since his inauguration, he has already caused such devastating to numerous communities. Grief is with me all of the time now, it feels.
As a Black, queer woman living in America, I know what it is like to walk around authentically, proudly with a fear of harm and retaliation. I know what it is to be a supporter and ally of marginalized communities, to listen to their fears around harm, erasure, etc. I know what is like to be a proud queer person who has come to terms with folks who claim to be “Christians” who then use religious text to cause harm. I know what it is like to have feelings for someone who is wanting to explore their feelings for you but feel unsure. I know what is is like to be the only Black person on staff and feel like your voice is not heard, doesn’t matter. I know what it is like to be the only Black person in a position of power, used as a shiny object. I know what is to be used to distract donors and supporters to show that an organization is doing the work then see DEI initiatives and anti-racist practices rescinded because of “ally fatigue”. I know what it is like to be forgotten and targeted. I know about anger, frustration, being erased, being blamed, being targeted.
There is Grief in all of this for me. The ever present and consistent teacher. The other side of this relationship coin is Grief as a friend reminding me to slow down, feel the things, breathe, hold space, reach out, and try again. Grief can be a mentor if I let it. This is where I am trying to meet Grief today, writing these words to you. In the moments when I have the energy, I can do this. In the moments that I cannot I do not. All of that is ok.
I’ve curated this week’s tidbits that Waking Giants shares in our Friday newsletters. In doing so I am cheering on my friends who are joy bringers and leading in justice work that I lights me up. The playlist here at the end of the newsletter is one of my faves. I hope it lightens you up. Maybe consider inviting Grief as you kow them, see them, to dance along with you.
Onwards, y’all,
Bri
JOY OFFERING
Bri wants you to know about her friend, Nnedy Obiwuru, who is a local to ATX interior designer and marketing maven. Her company is called Every Last Layer. Check her out on the platform of your choosing, you won’t be sad about it. And if you are thinking about bringing in some beauty to your spaces think about giving her a call.
JUSTICE OFFERING
Bri wants you to know about the Random Acts Org. You can show learn more about them + show them some love when you hit that button below.
CLIENT CORNER
Waking Giants just spent sometime with this outstanding team, OKBEI, in Tulsa. We were there to get some face time and to help out with some marketing/network development work. It was a blast. They are doing some truly revolutionary work not just to address maternal morbidity but also in workplace development as they create a living wage option for birthworkers. Incredible stuff.
JEW-ISH OFFERING
Looking for a community of Jews + Jewish allies to be a part of in ATX? Our Shabbat Supper Club is for anyone + everyone looking to light the Shabbat candles, take in a dinner with some new friends, and raise some funds for a monthly mutual aid action. This month we are supporting Austin Justice Coalition.
We’d love to have you with us to share some warm carbs, light some candles, and share in the good life.
MIXED TAPE
Dance it out playlist provided by the author of today’s newsletter, Bri Jenkins.